A Brief Version of My Story

It Makes No Sense!

Before the Lord drew me back to Him, I had been running from what I had always known I was meant to be. I explored just about every detrimental lifestyle under the sun. I did so many stupid things that weighed me down. I was sick- physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I had these horrible feelings of being lost and empty. I was so dead inside. I wished my life would literally come to an end. That would have made sense. However, God had something very very special in store for me. Last year, right when I decided that I was worthless and destined for failure no matter what I tried, God gave me the most precious gift... He gave me a brand new life... in my tummy! That was all the motivation I needed to push all the crap I had gotten myself into aside.

Now this is where I start getting confused... For five years I had been purposely ruining my life, cursing God, and blaming Him for all my misfortunes. After all of that, He still loved me enough to give me the greatest gift a woman can receive. It makes no sense! I just knew that something would go wrong as a punishment for everything I had done over those years... Nope... Everything went perfectly and William is the most perfect little thing!

This is where it gets confusing for everyone else... God blessed me with this little life, but my life is still what most would describe as difficult and crappy. The baby's father wants nothing to do with us, many of my "friends" went AWOL, financial burdens... But you know what??? I am happier than I have ever been in my whole life! I can't imagine being any happier... It makes no sense! Every time I look into that sweet baby's eyes, I feel God's love pouring all over me. I don't feel the need to worry about anything. Having this baby brought a whole new meaning to the phrase "cast all your cares on Him". If something comes up that I would normally freak out about, I just give it up to God. I know that He will give me peace.

God continues to bless me daily. He is constantly helping me to keep my focus on what is really important- loving God first. Not a cute and innocent love, but a deep, burning, passionate love. This is what I was always meant to be- a lover of God.

It makes no sense that I have this perfect son. It makes no sense that I am so happy. It makes no sense that God loves me as much as He does. But there is one thing that makes perfect sense... that's praising God for all the wonderful things He has done!

"You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore." Psalm 16:11